Depressive thinking

One of the things about depression is how boring it is. Especially when you're getting better, you find yourself bored shitless and don't know what to do: nothing you think of sounds good, ever, or it seems like so much work for an extremely unlikely reward, or it seems stupid and a positive waste of resources.

And yet you can't just sleep—that's what got you into this mess in the first place. Watching TV is like being asleep, but it makes you stupider. Playing video games is okay for a while, but then it makes you stupider and it's also enervating. Reading is good if you have the attention span, but depressed people don't focus well. Oh, and you're probably broke, not that shopping for shopping's sake isn't also enervating and wasteful. Cooking and eating makes you fat; cleaning is depressing in itself for many people, plus it all gets dirty again so fast.

Excuses, excuses, you say. Right: that's depression. In the same way that a normal person might look at graduate school and say "maybe later," so do I view filling my days with something besides sleep and minimal work.