Blogginatrix

Saturday, April 09, 2005

O CANADA

Another ongoing post. Why I like Toronto/Canada!

1) They actually get mad about corruption.

Thieves enrage Canadians, and they really go to town when the thieves are in government. The big difference is that Canadians don't take thievery as proof that government doesn't work, just that it needs fixing.

I always found that people in the US take governmental inefficiency corruption as evidence that government control of things doesn't work—and yet never take private corruption as a sign that private companies need fixing. Enron can steal billions, and who cares? But let the Post Office ask for a two-cent upgrade every three or four years, and watch out! (Meanwhile, maybe FedEx has raised its rates by twenty-five cents? Oh, that's just inflation for you.) And so they become disaffected with government, turn more and more things over to private enterprise, and take private corruption in stride—and pay more for the "privilege." The government can't just be more efficient than private industry, it has to buy you a fucking unicorn and rainbow before an American thinks it's working.

Americans will endlessly flock back to private companies that have repeatedly dicked them over, and even feel sorry for the felons who ran them. A governmental agency fucks up, and not only must heads roll, but people lose all faith in the agency. Your car keeps breaking down? You find other ways to work five or six times a year. Transit goes on a two-day strike? Screw them, I'm buyin' a car! Then I'm gonna complain about the cost of gas, insurance, repairs, and parking! And don't get me started on the traffic! Why doesn't the city build more roads? Jesus H. CHRIST!

Canadians aren't like that. They don't like taxes, but they repeatedly have said in polls that they will pay more if the system works. They love their public healthcare, their low tuition, their parkland. And they get mad over small corruption. They don't see it as proof that the system doesn't work and that everything should be turned over to private industry. They see it as proof that it's time to kick and scream.

Good for Canada.

2) Torontonians, at least, love their gardens.

Seriously, this makes a huge difference.

Starting April 1, everyone starts buying bedding plants and shrubs and roses and seeds and dirt and other kinds of dirt and pots and fertilizer and gravel and iron or steel implements. Then they start to worry over their gardens.

About April 15 or May 1, the city furiously re-installs all the greenery it furiously uprooted back in early October. Bushes, bedding plants, the whole nine yards, boom, wickety-wack, city employees start digging holes and filling them with plants.

This includes the parks. There are a million parks here. There are many parks one house-lot wide and deep—it looks to me that when a house burns down the city sometimes buys the lot and makes a tiny park of it. If there's two lots butting back to back that make a kind of alley between streets, even better. So sometimes you'll be on a "Discovery Trail," a city-designated "green walk," and happen across a park one house lot wide. It will have a sign, maybe a swing set or slide, and lots of plants. All parks here have flowers and bushes, and pretty well-tended flowers and bushes too.

Private gardens? Everywhere. Any house, including rentals, will have a garden. It varies from the manicured to the wild, but there's something in front of every goldurn house. Many people go the whole nine yards and put bedding plants in along the walk and have a three-foot deep bed the whole length of the front of the house, plus climbing plants on trellises. Even condo- and apartment-dwellers: You look at a twenty-story building in the warm months, and one of five balconies will have some little attempt at plants.

Yeah, I know people have gardens in the States, but not four of every five houses, not maintained all summer, and not elaborate.

And the rest …

Americanisms

Since I moved to another country, I noticed I use a lot of Americanisms. Maybe I used them before and just never noticed it. I don't know. All I know is that I'm saying things like this a lot.

If these aren't American per se, tell me why you think that. I'm looking for terms that are most commonly American, meaning other groups might have heard them but would never use them. These are in alphabetical order, where "(rare)" or "(common)" means "rare or common for me."

Interjections:

     aw, CRAP
     bite me
     blow me
     cheese (see: geez)
     Christ on a crutch (rare)
     criminy
     cripes
     crumbs
     dag; dagnabbit (rare)
     dang; dangit (common); ding-dang it
     dude!; whoa, DUDE; dude: WHAT. THE. FUCK.
     gee (common); gee willikers (rare); gee whiz
     geez; geez Louise
     goldangit it
     goldurn
     golly
     gosh; gosh-darn it
     holy schlamoley! (extremely rare)
     holy Jesus! (very rare)
     holy smokes! (rare)
     oh, Jesus fuck
     jeepers
     jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick! (rare)
     nasty; that's NASTY (pronounced n'YASTY)
     nuts (my very favorite)
     okey-dokey; okily-dokily
     phooey
     shoot
     shucks; aw, shucks
     spiffy
     suck me
     swell
     tarnation (rare)
     that's somethin; that's really somethin'
     whoa, nelly
     wickety-wack; boom, wickety-wack
     yes, indeedy!

Noun phrase fillers that I'm not so sure are American, but which I don't much hear up here unless I'm saying them:

     whadjamacallit
     whadjamafuck
     whats['is/her]face
     whatz(er/is)fuck
     whoozit, whoozits

I use these Yiddish words all the time and am only 99% sure I know what I'm saying:

     putz (rare)
     schlep
     schlemiel (rare)
     schmuck

Adjectives:

     bizarro
     'tardo

Metaphors and similes:

     (like/madder than) a beehive poked with a stick

Imperatives and other verbs:

     git; git lost
     go the whole nine yards
     scoot
     scram
     'splain, 'splainin' (for "explain")
     wangle
     wrassle (rare)

Names to call people:

     buddy
     bunky
     dickwad
     dickweed; dillweed
     pal
     nincompoop
     nitwit
     twerp

I'll continue to update this one. I think this is funny.

And, yes, I noticed that most of these are the most putrid of mild would-be profanities. A few of them are colorful uselessly profane interjections. This is because I'm American.

And the rest …